Anna Nicole Smith

Originally written on February 27, 2007



I wasn't surprised to hear that she died, but I was shocked at the timing, well maybe not. Part of me blame all the lawsuits that piled up against her- as if yet, no cause of death, but I wouldn't be surprised if stress played a major part in it. There was that paternity lawsuit, the old husband's estate lawsuit, the trimspa lawsuit, the Bahamas eviction lawsuit threat- I mean, how much can a woman can take, especially since after the death of her son? With the exception of the old husband lawsuit and the trimspa lawsuit, the paternity and eviction one, both Larry Birkhead and G. Ben Thompson both claim that they knew Daniel and how Anna was devastated when he died and how sad they were, blah blah blah and here they are with legal papers in their hands...couldn't they have waiting 6 months? I mean, let the woman grieve for crying out loud! Especially if they knew him and cared for him like they said they "did." Some say that Anna died of a broken heart and in some way, I believe that is true, regardless the cause- I've seen her interviews on Entertainment Tonight and each time, my heart ached for her. In the past, I may have thought she was "out there" but I never doubted her motherhood, especially after seeing her kid so normal, she must have done something right! I had hoped that Dannielynn would've made her strong enough to hold on and be something for her to live for and I believed it too. Now all I can hope and pray is for the best of Dannielynn, her name is both tribute to her brother and mother, given by her mother, and I hope whoever is landed as her father can respect that as well and don't change it. I have no clue who the father is- both Larry and Howard are great candidates...that "Prince" is something else; I think he's only submitting his name to get his wife Zsa Zsa Gabor back into the spotlight since she hasn't been around in the news for quite sometime now. Although her old husband is a good candidate, I can believe that she saved his sperm to conceive a child...As for her mother who firmly wants her buried in Texas because 10 years ago, Anna said so. Well, all I can say is that people DO changed their minds of where they want to be buried, especially when they haven't spoken in 10 years and lived in other places! Oh Anna, you're life was a definite soap opera! I sincerely hope she's at peace with her son.

UPDATE: Larry's the father, Anna is buried in the Bahamas next to her son Daniel

2008: Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame

Originally written on March 12, 2008

Why why was Justin Timberlake at the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame? Why? Why was he invited there? Anyone could’ve inducted Madonna- anyone! Even Britney Spears made more sense to the thought of inducting Madonna. I don’t care if Justin is producing Madonna on her new cd- guess I’m not going to get that one or pay much attention to that cd at all. Yeah, you probably already figured that I don’t like Justin. I never did. Not in N’Sync nor now and he didn’t bring sexy back (then again, he’s not sexy looking either). If he/or his former boy band group would be inducted into the RnRHoF well I won’t ever consider visiting that place again! That would just ruin it for me. I’ve been to the RnRHoF twice in 1994 and in 2003 and both times I’ve enjoyed my visits there and I plan on returning back whenever I visit Erie, PA (where I have family) there since it’s like an hour or two away. I do think Madonna deserves to be there- I’m not a die-hard fan or anything but I’ve always liked her, I grew up listening to Madonna. However I expected Madonna to be in for another 5 years or so, but anyway, congrats to her. She could’ve done better with the person who inducted her though, and that outfit she wore. I was surprised though that she chose not to perform! I figured that she would have done so as most of the bands who were inducted would do that reuniting bit special occasion. There are a few exceptions (like Dave Clark 5- I would imagine it’s very difficult to reunite for the first time since 1970 to perform when having lost two members, one who was the main singer) but then again, Bits and Pieces and Glad All Over were performed indeed as of Madonna’s stuff wasn’t. Well anyway, I’m sure it was all her decision and whatever the reason, I’m sure it was good for her.
I’m glad that the Dave Clark 5 were inducted- about freakin’ time too. The both times I’ve been to the RnRHoF I’ve spoke to whoever worked there "where are they? where are they? They need to be inducted, they should be inducted!" after all they did have a strong hit and it was over (way over) the requirement to be inducted into the RnRHoF and I think that they were certainly influence- Dave Clark was really the first that I can think of to actually his own music publishing and managing the band. Mike Smith, the chief songwriter (which I know he was despite Dave Clark’s part in it, Mr. Money Bags) and the singer of the band deserves to be in there as well- but maybe that’s me of having him as my favorite of the band (he was cuter, in my opinion); I also like him because of the sound of his voice- really raw and bluesy, it’s nothing that you want to put your hands to your ears, wish you were deaf sort of thing. And as Tom Hanks said, it’s joyful- it’s really indeed uplifting. They were supposed to be inducted last year- and here’s where I get angry the most: they were dropped and was pushed to be this year’s honor. It was all because of Jann Wenner, founder of Rolling Stone, wanting the Grandmaster Flash (who?) into the Hall of Fame. Um...why? Well I admit, I’m not much of a Jann fan either, especially since the day he decided to turn a music magazine into a political magazine! You know, I didn’t mind reading the old Rolling Stone issues with one politician being interviewed, especially when talking about music (after all, Rolling Stone was a music magazine) but then more and more, politics have gotten more cover stories and then when the 40th Special Anniversary came out it was a good 80% of the celebration articles were policitians while the mere 20% were musicians themselves. Shouldn’t it have been the other way around??? If Rolling Stone was intended to be a music magazine, then it should’ve stuck to that formula. Maybe they want to go into a politic direction, they can always have a spin-off magazine! They certainly have the popularity and money as well since they are published practically all over the World.
Okay- back to the Dave Clark Five- I’ve always liked them and even went through a phase where I tried to find anything I can about them (and mind you, this was before I got a computer and found the World Wide Web). My Mom got me their two-disc Greatest Hits disc The History of Dave Clark Five and would play endlessly of the cd. I was amazed though of how little information I could find of them though. They weren’t like the Beatles, where there’s every nook and crany information out there. I took them as an underrated most appreciative band. It makes my heart glad of how Mike Smith, who was paralyzed from neck down from an accident wanted to be there, was so honored to be recognized for his talent. He wanted to be there, he was determined to be there and my respect for him grew to the level of his bravery, to be there for his honor despite any possible risks of his health. It really broke my heart when he died, I so wanted to see him there, to see him so happy for being recognized about time-- but of course, I realize that he knew and he was so happy about it that it made his last days appreciated; plus he and Dennis Payton had the best seats of the house however I’m sad that he would never hold/touch his honor award. It’s really a big limbo of mixed feelings. However I must say, I enjoyed the fact that their memories were honored and not ignored; I enjoyed Rick Huxley, Lenny Davidson, and Dave’s acceptance speeches and I even enjoyed Tom Hanks’ introduction however I thought it was odd that Tom would be the one to induct as he’s an actor and before it was usually the tradition of having a musician to induct a musician. It made sense to do that. I know Tom does have some influence of music, especially writing, directing and even co-writing the songs for That Thing You Do! movie about music- it was a good movie, I enjoyed it when I saw it. It just threw me off of the loop but it was made up for it by his speech.
While I’m on a blog about music, I’ll speak about this- MTV and VH1. A good ten years ago- I didn’t mind those channels- I enjoyed them to a point- especially when the Backstreet Boys came out and I was ga-ga over them (mind you, I was 17, 18 years old at the time, and although I’m not as crazy about them as I was then I do still like them and would be happy if they are in the RnRHoF), I would tape anything where they would be appearing- same with the Goo Goo Dolls (I am still crazy about this band!). Not only for the Beatles specials, BSB, Goo Goo Dolls, Fleetwood Mac etc shown for those respected channels, but for VH1 especially, which was the channel I watched most of the time because of it’s shows- Behind the Music, Pop-Up Video, The List- I loved it! It dealt with music and it also told about it, the stories, to really connect with the artist. Now? Watch VH1 or MTV and you will find a reality show, a contest, celebrity gossip, things that you would find on E! and Bravo (which with all due respect, I do like those channels because they are standing what they are supposed to stand for). VH1 and MTV have drifted off away from music as the Rolling Stone magazine has done for things that I could have cared less for. If they want to show something about it, I can tolerate it for maybe an hour or two at a time but for the whole day? What does Hogan Knows Best have to do with music exactly? I would understand if that show appeared on USA (as they like to show RAW wrestling performances) or some sports channel, then fine. I would understand it better if Scott Baio is 46...and pregnant was aired on Bravo or E! then great. The only episodes whenever VH1 does decide to get around to playing of Behind the Music are the same episodes over and over again- Ratt, Pantera, and Notorious BIG...what the hell? I know that VH1 have made more episodes then just those three! I never got the Lindsey Buckingham episode (I did see it but I didn’t record it- I thought the show would always be on as it was very successful and I would get it then...little did I know). It’s sad really- I loved those channels once upon the time but nowadays I rarely visit them as it’s getting ridiculous to show something that your name hardly represents anymore- Video Hits 1 and Music Television. When the videos do get played, it’s when everyone should be sleeping at night, early hours of the morning, not at the time when people are able to be home and enjoy some visual tunes.
Now Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame, when are you inducting Sonny & Cher? They have an over 25 year old hit, as well as a couple of successful releases, not an one-hit wonder and they did have a good mark in history, television too where they incorporated music! That’s another one that I would like to have inducted, to fight for into the honor. Hopefully Cher would live to see that happen!

The Virgin Queen

Originally posted on January 29, 2011 at Jeannette's This and That Blog

I was watching Secrets of the Virgin Queen on National Geographic Channel earlier in the week and I thought it was rather interesting although a bit ridiculous. They were basically trying to figure out why Queen Elizabeth the first didn't get married nor have kids- could it be that she was really a man? Or that she was in love with a married man? Ok I doubt that she was a man, or really died as a child and was secretly replaced by a man for a cover up or something- if they are serious about that, then why not do a DNA gender test? Not only that, but do a biological DNA test as well since there has been a very long-term rumor that Elizabeth wasn't King Henry the VIII's child (I doubt that because she does look a lot like him, and her mother too). If it would help to make those doubters sleep at night, then why not just solve the mystery with DNA? Bingo!

Truthfully I think Queen Elizabeth I was smart not to marry and have children. I do think that the fact that her father ordered her mother's death had some part of Elizabeth's refusal to be in a marriage- during those times it was just gruesome, no mercy whatsoever. Besides, I think Elizabeth paved a way for the power of single woman everywhere. She proved that she can rule a country without a man by her side, she had the men obeying every word she says! Elizabeth was Queen of England for 40 plus years...the program also said that Elizabeth enjoyed being known as the Virgin Queen. Well all power to her! Kudos and bravo!

Goodbye Elliot Stabler

Originally written on August 24, 2011

When I heard the news that Christopher Meloni has opted not to continue on as Elliot Stabler on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, of course I was very sad. Elliot was one of my favorites on the show! Not to mentioned good-looking! But I also kinda saw it coming. Christopher has kept going on and on that 12 years was a good enough time to be on television in the same role and he had been dropping little hints here and there about leaving- even Ice T mentioned on his USS stream thing that it would be his last season but once the news really broke, Ice was sadden by the news, I think even shocked too. I suppose there was some hope that Chris would have continued on to season 13, especially when Neal Baer left to go to CBS and Warren Leight replaced him. It does sound like that SVU will be changing after the cluster mess that Neal had done to the show. Neal has really pimped out Mariska to be the 'star' of the show (truthfully, whenever Olivia is front and center, the episode, to me, turns out to be boring and I would rarely watch it again after that in repeats and DVDs) and turned the crime show into a soap opera. Neal approved to the idea of having Elliot separated from his wife...which was probably because Isabel Gillies moved to Ohio, quit acting and started to teach so he had to somehow give that closure. But Isabel got her divorce and moved back to New York and got her job back, thus reuniting Elliot and Kathy together (YAY!...and yes, that really pissed off Elliot-Olivia shippers but whatever) but Neal continued on with the soap opera drama. He gave Olivia a half-brother who she eventually forgotten, daddy issues, and, since season 8, becoming an anti-man crusader. However, what's really fustrating to me with Olivia is that she never really grew. Her character is pretty much the same person as season 1. Olivia was given two kids in a year span from dead-beat mothers in two different episodes and Olivia has claimed many many times of how she wanted kids...the baby died (I think?) and Calvin went to live with his grandparents but what did Olivia do? Nothing. It didn't encourage her to do what she wanted to do: to have kids. I know before she did look into adoption but they turned out down...okay so here's what you do: you look at MORE adoptions, you look into fostering a child, or, better yet, you turn to the sperm bank and get yourself pregnant especially since it looks like you won't be getting a man anytime soon, especially when you're on a man-hate crusade. Elliot did grow- he went through a separation, he got back together with his wife and had baby #5, he did screw up a little but he quickly got back on his feet and his marriage thrived from there with no problems. Even Fin's character grew, even Munch's, even though his screentime faded. Neal Baer really turned SVU from an ensemble cast to the Elliot-and-Olivia show staring Mariska and that B-actor Christopher (Chris even stated he's a B actor on NBC but that comment got deleted quickly on his official website- which now doesn't exist anymore). It was sad really...now he's gone and it sounds like Warren has taken up Neal's mess and making it better...only thing missing is Christopher Meloni...that sucks...but I don't blame Warren because it's not his fault as much as some fans of Chris's and EO shippers feel. Chris is the one who made the decision to leave, he wasn't fired, he wasn't given what he wanted while Mariska got what she wanted (more time off to spend with her young kids) and he left.

As for watching, at first I was a little hestitant but from the way it sounds, it sounds hopeful...but it will be very weird, very empty with Chris around. So, I've decided that I'll just take one episode at a time. I've heard that Elliot's departure will cover a good amount of episodes so I do want to be sure to watch those. After that, it's free-for-all. I'm just happy with the idea that Elliot is home with his wife and kids- Elliot and Kathy together forever and that Elliot didn't become a cheater to dump his wife for his female partner. Thank you thank you thank you

Santa Claws & Rico

Originally written on August 24, 2011

About two weeks after Snowball's disappearance, my Mom and I decided to adopt two new cats from the animal shelter. Some time ago we even thought of one day to promise to adopt an adult cat because they need homes too. You would always hear the sad story of adults being harder to adopt compared to kittens/puppies. I didn't want to be one of those people, especially know that after a short while, those adults would be put down to sleep all because no one wants to take them home, despite being healthy or home-trained. Once the decision was made, mom and I went to the animal shelter and we checked out all the cats...and I even found an all white one that looked just like Snowball...only except the cat was named Blizzard and it was a HE! Nope, not her. The heart sank because I was also on a lookout for her in case someone thought to bring her in. We've decided on a kitten and an adult cat so we looked and looked- first was the kitten. There were a few potentials and I was looking at the top cages, oohing and awwing, but I kept feeling this paw holding on to my hand and licking it! I looked down and there were a few more kittens in the bottom cage, wanting my attention. This one cat just kept licking me, holding on to my hand and already I was bitten by the love bug...but I had more cats to look at and I didn't want to make that final decision just yet. I checked his collar for his ID number, making a mental note. We looked at more cats, adults as well, until Mom stopped dead in her tracks staring into an adult cat's face- it looked just like her own childhood cat Misty with the same colorings. Mom was bitten by the love bug. We took note of the adult cat's ID and brought it to the people who then had us wait (ugh!) for a good hour or so while they dealt with other costumers before us and then eventually taking our two new cats to have them checked out, be given a little chip to ID them in case anybody brought them in as missing. We already knew what their names will be. Mom really liked the name Santa Claws as a play of Santa Claus, she thought it was cute and it was in her mind for quite some time so the name was set. I picked Rico after Penquins of Madagascar because he was my favorite penquin. Rico the Penquin didn't talk much (he couldn't really, only can make out a word or two but other than that it's rambling) plus he also stores all the Penquins' needs for their adventures or everyday use in his stomach- he would barf it up for anyone who needed something.

Santa Claws was two, she turned 3 in June, the same month we adopted her and Rico. Rico was 2 months old when we adopted him and was a stray, his original name was Champ, probably given by the animal shelter. Santa Claws, her orignial name was Spice and that's the name she will never be called, probably stirs up bad memories for her. We discovered by just feeling her body alone that she had been through hell with her previous owners. Her skin under the fur feels like it's been through the ringer with bumps and whiplashes. One time I was rubbing her tummy and her ribs felt weird, not like what ribs should feel like. I had Ingrid feel them and with her knowledge of these kinds of things as well as owning a past-abused dog herself, she knew that Santa's ribs were self-healed. My mom even noticed that Santa's tail is not quite right- probably been stepped on and I don't mind by accidental purposes. That first week we got her, I innocently walked into the bathroom and found Santa in the bathroom's sink which I thought was so cute! But I saw the look in her eyes and I have never seen that look before in a cat's eyes- her pupils, instead of being oval with sharp pointed ends, they were circles. I've learned that their eyes get like that when they get TERRIFIED. She was TERRIFIED...but I comforted her, she had no reason to feel terrified, she's in a good home. It took a good two weeks before she started to venture out of Mom's closet more to explore. Now, it's been two months later and there's such a big change in Santa. I think she now knows that she's in a good home and she's here to stay. Santa did take me and Ingrid in but was wary with my mom; we all assumed that it could be because of the previous owner...Mom thinks it's because of her dark hair but I think that's not the case: I have dark hair and Santa is fine with me. I think, and Ingrid thinks this as well, that Santa was afraid of Mom due to Mom's overweight gain. I think the previous owner was an overweight person so Santa's afraid. But these days, and I'm glad to say, Santa has been warming up to my mother. Ironically, Santa does love Mom's room a lot- she's in there a lot of times- she'll visit my room and hang out for a while but a good 80% of the time she would be found in mom's room! I believe that by Christmas time of this year, Santa will be my Mom's best friend, glue to her hip.

Rico is a great little guy but he can be, pardon my french, a little shit. Quite a number of times he has peed in my beanbag- not happy about that and I had to shove that thing into the washing machine! Now I cover my beanbag with throw pillows to keep him from using it as his own little litter box. He has also peed in my clean clothes in the laundry basket that were waiting for me to put away (you can blame my procastination on that one) but it really upset me because he was a type of cat that would use the laundry basket full of clothes as a sleeping bed, not a litter box! (Snowball used to use the laundry as a bed, Missy occasionally too) So I had to redo my clothes, not once but twice! At different times of course...Rico also can poop out some real good stinkers. My girls (Snowball, Missy, and Santa Claws) have done stinkers before that would drift to a room, but Rico's, oh man, that can cover the WHOLE HOUSE!!!! I'm not kidding! So whenever he does his business, one of us would be sure to quickly go in there to cover it with baking soda to kill the smell. How can such a little thing can creat such a BIG smell? That baffles me! Harri LOVES Rico, I think Harri thinks of Rico as HIS kitten, we even went as far as saying that Harri is Rico's father- Harri has been known to give Rico the "I" tooth to keep him in line, to behave himself whenever Rico gets really hyper and doesn't know when to quit it. They also have slept together, even cuddled a few times! Wow. Harri also lets Rico get away with murder when it comes to attacking his tail or his nose or whatever, but I do believe that Harri knows that Rico is very young and means no harm but he does get carried away. Harri is also very protective of Rico- whenever he sees Santa lurking by, he's quick to stand by his little buddy.

But I love my little boy and I love my little girl. Sure they are not Snowball but I do see Snowball, and Missy, in their characters. I think of Rico as Snowball, Jr. most of all while Santa reminds me a lot of Missy but with a little Snowball thrown in. But most important, both Santa and Rico are themselves, they are their own person in fur coats.

My First Cat: Snowball

Originally written on August 24, 2011

On May 23, 2011, it was overall a normal day- a day that I don't remember at all because it was just so ordinary...until that evening, I can only remember one final minute with my 16 year old cat Snowball. She wanted to go outside, she was demanding it, she was trying to lead me to the door. I thought she wanted to go in the backyard that is fenced in. I opened the sliding glass door, she peered out but nope, that's not where she wanted to go. Snowball then lead me to the front door; my mom and our roommate were both watching TV and I was getting dinner ready. I opened the front door and off she went. I continued on with my cooking, unaware that that would be the last time I would ever see my cat. I pretty much forgotten that Snowball was outside as the evening continued, I supposed I assumed that my mom or roomie would let her back in since I did tell them "Snowball's outside" and they did saw me open the door for her. So I went to bed...until I jolted awake "Is Snowball inside???" I checked around the house as quietly as I could but nothing. She must have been still outside, waiting to come inside and prepare myself for a bitch-out- I swing open the door...no cat. Snowball? I got my shoes and from then on, I searched my entire community looking for my cat, quietly calling her name because I didn't want to wake anyone up. But at that moment I wasn't really worried- this has happened before and she always came home. After I covered the gated neighborhood I figured she was really mad at me and refused to come in for not letting her in or something. I couldn't go back to sleep though so I figured I would wait a while and hope to hear her cry, even opening the window a smidge so I can hear her cries. When my mom woke up, I told her that Snowball's still outside and hasn't come home yet- I went to bed while my mom took over the waiting. She even left the front door open so that Snowball can just walk in. Roomie woke up around late morning to take her dog, Harri, out to pee but he ran out the front door; Mom was outside talking to a neighbor and Roomie chased after him. I heard the commotion and went outside, telling Roomie that Snowball's missing. We both started searching right there, calling for her name. Nothing.

For the next 3 days we searched the neighborhood, expanding to the whole area basically. I even made flyers, asked dog walkers and people coming home from work. We used Harri to help with our search, using Snowball's little fur-ball that I saved after brushing her fur one day and he pulled us in all kinds of directions. We kept our windows cracked open just in case she came home and cried. Every hour or so, one of us would venture out of the house to look around for another check in case we would see Snowball casually walking on the sidewalk from her adventure. I had vivid dreams, even daydreams, of finding Snowball and holding her in my arms, so vivid that I could actually feel her...but then I would wake up holding my pillow tightly to my chest. I never have felt my bed feel so empty before in my life. I was so worried, so scared, so many 'What If's' were circling in my head
What if someone took her?
What if that someone is taking care of her?
What if that someone is abusing her?
Snowball can be very feisty and one may not know how to handle, or their own mood swings so What if they were scaring her so they can control her?
What if a big animal- say a dog- managed to get a hold of her and killed her?
What if a possum or a raccoon managed to get her?
Snowball was 16 years old, she may have been feisty and would get into a fight to protect her home as well as herself but she was also getting up there, her reflexes weren't really as quick as they once were but she was still sharp as a tact
What if she felt so left out in our family (which is completely UNtrue) that she decided to leave us?
What if she walked away to die?
Snowball did have a tumor in her stomach area, but we had it tested and it was beign...but it grew...but we thought it was just those fatty tumors...but what if it became a REAL tumor that got fatal? That last week I had with her, I discovered a small circle patch of fur missing at her hind leg that was dark pink and had puss on it...What if that killed her? On May 24th, I had planned to call the vet about that tumor to have it taken out.
What if Snowball knew of my plans and decided to make her grand escape so she wouldn't go to the vet?
What if Snowball knew that this was it and went away to die?
What if someone took her and killed her?
What if someone took her and she died on her own?
Bottom line is: I wanted her home, dead or alive
Eventually we all came to the conclusion that Snowball did indeed went away to die.
I had a weird experience not long after that. One day I went outside to get something from my car and was greeted by a ghastly smell- the smell of a dead animal. I know that smell anywhere since I've seen roadkill and you can just never forget that kind of smell. It's sick. I was also on alert for that smell because I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would lead me to my cat. Well anyway, that fleeting idea came to my head and I started to follow it and nothing. Now, that dead animal smell is very lingering, it can drift for a good length. Hmm okay not walking forward is where the smell is so I went back to my front door where I originally first smelled the smell- maybe it was in a backyard- even a neighbor's- but that's where the weird part comes in: I couldn't smell that smell anymore. I went back and forth, there was no way in hell I could've lost that smell! But it seemed like I did and I went back in my house baffled. I didn't even get whatever it was out of my car because it wasn't important anymore. Maybe it was my sign that Snowball's dead? I had been begging for a sign from God, from Snowball herself, from Missy, from my Grandmother, to just give me a sign- it could be in my dream, it could be a chopped paw in a package demanding ransom- I would've taken anything to know what happened to my cat. I still do.

I do know that it's a natural thing for a cat or a dog to do when they are dying. Probably more so so that we wouldn't have to see them in pain, in suffering, dying. I do believe, always, that Snowball loved me to death. She was my companion, my best friend, my confident, my second mother who told me what to do "feed me, let me outside, clean my litter box, pet me, play with me", my sister, heck I've even joked that she was my wife! I've never encountered a cat like her- if I came home really late (or anybody like my mom and Roomie), she would be right there giving you an earful "where were you? Do you have any idea what time it is??", she would also talk to you, she would also greet you when you come home and Snowball would always expect a greeting back- "Hi Snowball!". She had such a sense of humor, she played pranks, she was also very smart. I believe she would have been a great mother if we'd allowed her to breed (which we didn't, she got fixed). Although it was Snowball's House, I know that she did love Missy and she did love Harri. Snowball did witness Mom and me taking care of Missy when she was ill/dying so perhaps that made her decide to leave us behind. In March, she got sick (too much calcium) and when Snowball got better, her attitude towards Roomie had change a lot- they became late night walking companions, Snowball let her pet her more, she even started to play with her more with her favorite toy (the gold string) and tapping between the stairs' rails. Before the illness, Snowball was pretty wary of Roomie, playing nasty tricks on her or not letting her go up the stairs to the point when Roomie would yell out either my name or Mom's to help her get Snowball out of the way to let her and Harri pass. But Roomie loved her at first sight- they were actually a lot alike in many ways to the point where my mom and I said that Snowball was Roomie in a white fur coat.

I think the hardest part in all this is that I never actually got to say goodbye to Snowball. I got to say goodbye to Missy- and yes it was hard- but I wanted Missy to see me and Mom as the last people she saw before she died giving her some sort of comfort and I always thought Snowball would've gotten the same thing. But at least with Missy I got closure, I also have her little urn. With Snowball, I didn't get closure and I don't have any of her remains other than her little furball that I combed out of her one evening, never thinking that it would one day come in handy and special to me. I will never know what happened to Snowball. Although I do believe she has passed on, there's a tiny little hope in me that keeps my eyes peeled whenever I'm out and about, looking for a white cat. I look at roadkill more closely, wondering "is that my cat?" and then feel my heart torn apart of relief and disappointment when I find out it's not. I do know that in heaven we will be reunitied...but it would be nice to know where her remains are resting at...

My Sweet Kitty Missy

Originally written on July 3, 2009

I’m sure it does sound weird to do, it’s hardly anything I’ve really seen before, a blog about a pet but I feel like I should do this. I did this for my Grandmother and now for a cat. Maybe I am nuts, but you can ask anybody who I regularly talked to and guarantee that they will all state that I have spoken very much about Snowball and Missy. Talk to me regularly and you would get some cat stories. So, it does make sense that I would post something like this. Missy is my first pet death. I’ve known other pets who have passed on and of course my condolences but this one really hit home. I got her ashes back from the Vet on July 2, it was very bittersweet. However she’s home and I decided to just do this and get it over with. I did intend to write this tribute blog up but the procrastination was getting the best of me and getting her urn home boosted me up to do this. So here it goes…

Missy came to my life in October of 2000 when she was about 5 months old (calculated that she was born in May of that year). My Mom and I just moved into a new house and already had then 5-year old Snowball; we had been thinking of getting a new cat and even looked around but decided not to when Snowball would go ballistic when she would see another cat around her house. One day at my Mom’s work, a co-worker was telling my Mom about a neighbor who just got a new kitten for his daughter but it turns out that she’s allergic to cats and was looking for a home for her before deciding to take her back to the animal shelter where they got her. She explained to my Mom that this little kitten had been abandoned by her mother, was rescued by the animal shelter. My Mom got suckered in and agreed to give the little kitten a home. She called me up to let me know that we will be getting another cat that same night. Sure enough, Missy arrived. That kitten had the biggest fluffy tail I have ever seen! Big tail, little kitten. She was too cute. Mom and I welcomed her with arms, holding her, letting her know us and then let her explore her new home…until Snowball, who had seen Missy at the door with her previous owner and co-worker, realized that she was not going away. Thus started the three months of growl hiss growl hiss growl…I was already in love with Missy to have second thoughts of the mistake that Snowball was making it out to be (my mom did have second thoughts however but it quietly vanished as she too was already in love). Eventually in time Snowball realized that Missy was NOT going anywhere no matter how much she protested and the growling & hissing wore off. Missy held her own with Snowball, she even freaked her out by one time when she leaped over Snowball with a jump. Oh man could Missy jump! I think she could have been a frog in another life. You should have seen Snowball’s look on her face when Missy leaped over her…it was classic. Probably helped deemed Missy getting some type of respect for her. Whenever there was a lizard high up on the sliding glass door, Missy would jump a good 10 feet trying to get that lizard! I kept hearing this commotion and turned to see a little tiny kitten trying to get this lizard that was very high up there that a 5 foot 8 ½ inch me couldn’t reach! I was impressed. Snowball never did that.

Over time I think Snowball really did like having Missy around…she was the big sister. She could pretty much boss the poor little thing around! She had someone to play with, to have company whenever Mom and I went out somewhere, not to feel alone. One time while I was away in college in ....Tampa...., Snowball went missing for three days and when she returned, she was so happy to be home, she even rubbed Missy! Whoa! I remember another time in my room on my window sill both cats were on it and they started to sniff each other, Snowball reached out to Missy and then licked her head! I think my eyes were so wide that my eyeballs could have fallen out! It was a lovely moment.

The funny ongoing thing with Snowball and Missy was whenever Missy went to the bathroom (litter), you’ll see Snowball sneaking up, spying on her to scare her! Like a sister would…I’m going to miss watching that! It was funny.

Missy was the sweetest and loving cat I’ve ever encountered. She never meant to hurt you. If you were wearing a sleeveless shirt, her claws wouldn’t be out while holding her…if you were wearing a shirt then you would feel her claws but it was to hold on to you. Missy would also nudge your hand so that you would know she wanted to be petted. She would meow in a question before she jumped on the bed…both Mom and I fell into habit of meowing in response to acknowledge her, then she would jump up for a love-fest. She was more of a lap cat then Snowball is. Snowball would be close to you, next to you, be on your lap for a few minutes at a time before she had enough. Missy would be on your lap for a good quality of time. Of course my favorite moments with Missy would be when going to sleep: a few times she fell asleep with her head resting on my hand. Awww…Other then the thought of her being a frog in another life, I think she was a nurse in another life as well. Whenever Mom or I was sick, would wake up from a groggy sleep to find Missy there, looking at us as if she was watching over us, meowing in greeting. Of course she didn’t make us take our medicine or anything but it felt like she was taking care of us. She brought this comforting, nurturing aura to her. Snowball would do what she would always do but Missy would just be there.

Missy had this cutest little growl. Snowball has a real growl, very threatening, you know she means business! I know Missy felt the same way “I mean business!” but in truth, it was not threatening at all! It was so cute. In truth, my Mom or I would get her angry just to hear that growl. She never hissed or swiped as Snowball would be doing but she was a good wiggler. She can twist, turn to get her away from our grip. Plus she could also run very fast. I’ve constantly referred her as Speedy Gonzalez or Road Runner from Looney Tunes. She was also a very good hider- she had me stumped a few times! Clever little thing. She even found a hiding place under my Mom’s TV armour where she would hide from us as well as using it to play with Snowball. You would see her little paws sticking out for Snowball to bait around! But then she got bigger and could no longer fit there but no matter- cats are bound to find other hiding places.

I do regret one thing: I regret not playing with her as often as I have done with Snowball when she was a kitten. Snowball was at the point where she got more interested in laying about that playing got far and few between. Poor Missy came about at that point. Sure we did try to play with her but it was far and few between and it got into her own habit too. I did try to play with her though, but not as much as I had done with Snowball.

This year, about a week after Mother’s day and after I got a new car, I realized that I haven’t really seen Missy all that much. It wasn’t very unusual that she would hide around but I did not really see her at all, making much appearances. I found her in my Mom’s closet and realized that she lost an incredibly amount of weight, practically skin and bones. I also found that she had been limping. I made the dreaded V-E-T appointment to have it checked out. I had hoped that perhaps she injured herself. When the day came, I took her to the Vet and found not only she did lose a lot of weight but her heart was racing so fast that the Dr. couldn’t count how many beats it was going. He drew blood for tests and when they came out he was baffled: she was normal. I thought she did injure herself after all because of the limping. Well apparently not. Another visit it was concluded that she had a heart disease, an aorta embolism that released a clot that was in her hind leg causing her to limp. He prescribed a heart med as well as aspirin to help thin her blood with the clot. The heart med helped slow down her fast beating heart and the limp came and went, came and went. Both the Dr. and my mom were thinking the end was near while I, mostly likely in denial, didn’t want to give up hope on Missy. I felt that she may not recover from her heart disease but she could at least live with it with the meds. I just didn’t want to give up on her too quickly. She was only a baby, she may have been 9 years old but she was the baby of the family and she fit that word in every sense. Although I held out hope, I also felt my heart breaking. I am not a big crier but that entire time of Missy being ill, I cried. Watching, feeling, hearing her was all heart breaking. I didn’t want to lose my baby, not yet. I thought it was unfair for her especially, why a painful thing was hurting a sweet cat who did not deserve this kind of suffering. During that time, my Mom and I took turns of her sleeping with one of us until the last two days where we all slept together. After her seizure that she had on a Saturday, June 20, we thought of putting her down to sleep for good. I heard a thump behind the couch in the living room, heard Missy howled and went for her. I called up for my Mom who had planned to take her car in for a check up, Missy was shaking. We decided right there to hurry to an Animal Hospital to put her down. Our vet was closed so we went to another place that I knew about but they said something about them not being a 24-hour facility and wanting to hook her up to oxygen, an IV to see how long she would last. What??? Why? I didn’t want her to go through that! Especially her being far from home. I knew she wouldn’t have gone for that either. They suggested a hospital that was 24 hours so we decided to check it’s whereabouts. By that point Missy was back to ‘normal’, she seemed calm, herself pretty much that we decided to just go home and one of us be with her at all times. That was when we decided to sleep together as a family, feeling that she could die pretty much any time. On Sunday, June 21, my Uncle was having a birthday/Father’s day family get together. We called up asking permission to take Missy with us in her cat carrier so we can keep monitoring her. It may have been a bad idea but we were worried, we wanted to be with her. Missy was a trooper though. I made sure her carrier was comfy with newspapers, towel, and a mat thing in case she has any bathroom accidents, brought her food that we were force-feeding her with syringes. It also gave the chance for my cousins who held an affection for her (as she was never mean to them as Snowball, especially after they’ve pulled her tail kinda thing- she is NOT used to kids at all while Missy never hurt them) to say goodbye to her. My Mom and I had already decided to put her down on Monday, together.

..Monday June 22, 2009 came...it came too quick. After her seizure on Saturday Missy went for a turn for a worst. She was peeing wherever she was, she couldn’t go as far anymore, just a few steps then she’s down. We tried putting another litter box for the upstairs (the main one is downstairs) so she can have easy access to it but it turned out to be unnecessary. We tried making her final day with us special, letting her be at her favorite places, especially on her little cat bed that’s between my room and the office room upstairs. She even went outside for a few minutes to eat some grass and enjoy herself with fresh air. The morning of the dreaded day, Mom took the day off from work and I called the Vet to move up her appointment that she had originally to check her heartbeat to put her down. ..10:30 AM... When the time came close to leave, we opt not to take the cat carrier…what was the point? So while Mom drove, I held her. I think she knew, she meowed a bit. Both Mom and I were feeling very sad, but it was very clear too. Our cat was suffering, she was in pain. You can hear it with her purring, feel it with her skin and bones, it was just too painful. When we got there, Mom wanted to hold her so she can say goodbye. We went into the exam room while the Dr. was with another furry patient so we used that time to be with her, petting her, telling her how much we love her, how much we will miss her, telling her that she was a very good cat, how blessed we are to have her in our lives, telling her that this was the hardest thing to do but she’ll be in a better place. I told her to see my great-Grandmother Lucy, she was a cat lover- all cats loved her lap; I always remembered a cat being on her lap whenever I went up to Pennslyvania to see her. My Grandmother was not a cat person although I’m sure she would at least help out or something, I don’t know, for the love of her daughter and granddaughter, but I think Missy would have been better off with Grandma Lucy. Anyway, Missy got to the point where she was biting whenever we put our hands near her face and at that point, my Mom asked me if I wanted to hold her. Of course I did! When I got her into my arms, I felt her slump but didn’t think it was unusual, I thought she was trying to hide as she had done many times before at the vet. Then I felt her pee, “Eww gross she just peed on me!” I wasn’t mad at Missy for peeing on me, however- knowing what she’s going through and the situation she had been with going to the bathroom, all I could really do is let it go. My mom thought it was funny—Missy had peed on her twice before during the whole month she was ill and I thought it was funny! Okay so we laugh at toilet humor, I admit it. Mom got up for the paper towels and while I was cleaning up (luckily she mostly peed on my hand and floor, not on my clothes), that was when I realized Missy wasn’t responding. Her eyes were open but emotionless. At that moment the Dr. assistant came in and I know I asked Missy “are you dead? Missy?” I put Missy on the check up counter and the assistant went to check on her mouth to see some color and then went to get the Dr. He came in with his heart thingy (sorry, I can say it outloud but I can not spell it) and he checked for a heart beat, then he said that word: “Sorry”. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders to tell you the truth. I had spent that whole month force feeding her like a baby, trying to get her take her medicine, I no longer have to do that anymore. Snowball is healthy, especially for her age, sharp as a tack, very much independent for a 14 year old.

When Mom and I came home, I was just feeling numb. The house already felt empty without Missy’s presence. Although I do very much miss her, I know she’s at peace. I don’t have to hear that whimpering in her purr, the pain looked in her face whenever I see her. I do miss her, I fight the urge not to get up from this chair to wonder where she’s hiding or hanging out. My Mom misses her regular bed buddy (Snowball is my regular bed buddy). I believe Snowball is missing her roommate- she’s realizing her litter box isn’t being shared and that only one food bowl is going down instead of two, which means less food for her (funny cat, I have a female version of Garfield, I swear). Two times since Missy died so far, Snowball howled looking for her. It’s like taking attendance roll call with that cat- she checks to makes sure you are home. Do you have a cat like that? Just recently, after both Mom and I called out for her to let her know where we were in the house, Snowball kept meowing. Both Mom and I were downstairs and I checked to find where she was and found her half way of the stairs looking up, probably thinking Missy’s upstairs as she used to be at most of the time. So I do believe she misses her despite the rough start. She had almost 9 years living with Missy, which was more longer then she was solo for the first five years of her life. It’s nice to know that Snowball did like Missy- they hated the forced family time but they tolerated each other, played with one another. However Snowball also knew she would be a dead cat if she did any real harm to Missy so the fights were rare after the three months of first living together. But that’s what cats do- they are very territorial so you can’t really blame them.

Missy 2000-2009