Escape

Escape
but where?
Anywhere is possible
to find the answers that need to be solved

Escape
away from the hard hand
the hand that rules with an abusive fist
Run too fast, causing a rapid heart beat
carry the tradition to freedom

Escape
to find the way to explore different situation
reach high up to the northern star
Find a route to find the way home
hide when it is possible to...

Escape
to the freedom
the right

Escape
to the freedom
that is to be served
Find the way to express the right
keep the faith that has the right to take over

Fight for the freedom
Fight to escape

Originally written in 2000

Good Bye

Now it's time to say goodbye
as time goes by
The days went fast or slow
I write when I'm high or low
I create dreams, stories, and poems in my head
'till the day I'm alive to dead
You will stay or be gone
but you will never be done
See you wherever I'm there
so you could go anywhere
So, goodbye now

Written in 1998

Queen of Hearts, The People's Princess, and Mother

I was 15 years old (almost 16), living in an apartment with my mom. It was late in the evening, I could hear and see the TV from my bedroom and overheard something about Princess Diana being in a car crash. She was in critical condition... It wasn't very long until the news came in that she died. That prompted me to go from my room to the living room to watch. Mom was a little freaked out strange to see her shared birth year as Princess Diana plus the death year (1961-1997) while I realized that I was the same age as Prince William. Instantly, my thoughts, prayers, just about everything went to her two boys that now had to go on without their mother by their side. The following morning, the local paper had the biggest and darkest font I've never seen before: DIANA DEAD. I still have that newspaper. 

The day of her funeral, I got up early to watch. When I saw that unforgettable small bouquet in front with the card that said Mummy, I cried. I did shed tears before during that week, but that moment I bawled my eyes out. I always thought she was beautiful, worthy to have a happily ever after; I remember Diana being in just about every imaginable media out there, before and after her divorce. 

While Prince Charles was not husband of the year to Diana, I do genuinely believe that her death devastated him. All of the sudden, he became a single parent. I do think he did a splendid job with William and Harry, from the way they are today- they're very close as royals could be. Diana will never be forgotten!

Steve Coming Back to GH

Steve Burton is coming back to General Hospital. But as who? That's the main question. His role that he had for 20+ years off and on has been taken over by Billy Miller. Here's a short recap of Jason and the two actors (from my point of view, of course):
GH experienced a new Executive Producer and Head Writer change after One Life to Live and All My Children were cancelled. Steve's favorite executive producer, Jill Farren Phelps, was deservingly fired and went to work at The Young & The Restless. Steve stuck around for several months, Jason did get interesting storylines but he wasn't part of the trio (Sonny, Carly, and Jason) hogging the show screen time any more. Steve was actually part of an ensemble cast! I guess he missed Jill a lot. He was her teacher's pet. Around the same time, Steve moved his family to Nashville, Tennessee and was voicing his anxiety to be with them. Pretty reasonable... So Steve quit GH as it wasn't accommodating him as much to travel to see his wife and children. Jason was shot, killed, and kicked into the freezing waters of the harbor, floating away to become fish food. Steve flew off to Tennessee in the sunset. Except, a couple of months later, Steve announced he had a role on Y&R! Where Jill is! Look, I get he needed to pay the bills, but surely he could've found work in Nashville? Seemed like Y&R had the means and needs to accommodate Steve to travel back and forth that GH didn't have. I saw this as bit of a betrayal. I bet GH does have the ability to make things work for their actor. Roger Howarth commutes between California (where GH is filmed) and New York (where his wife and kids live).
Billy, I guess since Jill arrived and quickly realized what a sucky EP Jill was, quit and about 2 years later since Steve left the role, took over the role of Jason.
Jason was rescued from the freezing cold harbor and recovered from his wound on Cassadine Island. Surprise, surprise, Helena had something to do with it as she always does. Helena liked Jason's skills as a mob enforcer and hated Sam, her husband's illegitimate granddaughter, so it was her psychotic revenge. Jason was transferred nearby to Port Charles to Helena's brother-in-law Victor Cassadine's clinic. He escaped but was hit by a car (Ava, by accident) she drove off. Jason's face was so badly mangled that after surgery, he had a brand new face! He also suffered from severe memory loss and became Jake Doe. He eventually discovered who he really was and gained his memory back.

What I don't like is that some actors, major example: Rebecca Budig who played Hayden Barnes, get fired or laid off for budget cuts and to accommodate the return of Steve Burton. If this had happened 10 years ago, I would've been thrilled at the return but I grew, started liking other actors that were more colorful than the one-note "cold stone" performance. I have no clue who Steve will play, the tale of two Jason's, or different character, or even how long other than it will be long term.
So... What? Nothing available at Days of Our Lives or The Bold & the Beautiful? Tyler Christopher just joined the cast of DOOL instead of returning to GH.

Obviously to say: I'm not ecstatic over the return...

Favorite and Fascinating Well-known Couples

Here are my list of celebrity couples that were interesting, fascinated, and supported over the years… (in no particular order other than what came to me while making up the list)

Entertainment Showbiz

1. Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee
2. Sonny and Cher
3. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban
4. Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks
5. John Travolta and Diana Hyland
6. John Travolta and Kelly Preston
7. Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall
8. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
9. Mariska Hargitay and Peter Hermann
10. Jayne Mansfield and Mickey Hargitay
11. Micky Dolenz and Samantha Juste
12. Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
13. Carole Lombard and Clark Gable
14. Carole Lombard and William Powell
15. Freddie Mercury and Mary Austin
16. Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt
17. Nikki Sixx and Donna D’Errico
18. Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear
19. Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio
20. Sean Penn and Madonna
21. Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood
22. Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh
23. John Ritter and Nancy Morgan
24. John Ritter and Amy Yasbeck
25. Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love
26. Elizabeth Montgomery and William Asher
27. Barbara Eden and Michael Ansara
28. Keith Moon and Kim Kerrigan
29. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
30. Bobby Flay and Stephanie March
31. Todd Thompson and Giada de Laurentiis
32. Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley
33. Billy Joel and Katie Lee
34. Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
35. Danny Keough and Lisa Marie Presley
36. Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Todd
37. Christopher Meloni and Sherman Williams
38. Mick Fleetwood and Jenny Boyd
39. Bobby Flay and Stephanie March
40. Rita Hayworth and Orson Welles

Historical

1. Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
2. King Henry VIII and Queen Anne Boleyn
3. James and Dollie Madison

My Hero, My Mentor, My Mirror

Written and published in January of 2017

Joely and Carrie

On the eve before my sister Carrie took to the sky in the silver bird that would be her transport to her dramatic and untimely end, we had a long conversation. We spoke of love, age, our children and a dozen other subjects.

When I say spoke, I mean we texted each other on our smartphones, she in London and I in Laguna Beach. But even via text, and oceans apart, we could still hear the sound of each other's voice, that distinct Fisher timber that was full of mutual admiration. I clung to her every word, as I usually did, as we all did. Talking to Carrie always made me feel more interesting by osmosis. She expressed her amazement and pride regarding the anniversary of my marriage — 20 years this past New Year’s Eve — and compared my two-decade commitment to her own somewhat less steady love life. She threw in the word “crickets.” Quintessentially Carrie.

My sister would have wanted a dramatic exit; she just might have wished for another couple of decades before making one. She told me she wanted to see this political horror play out. She likely would have crafted a sharp, piercing novel about her non-conventional goings on with this national nightmare as the backdrop. But mostly, she would have wanted us to celebrate her life, her words and for Billie to be whole. In time she will be. She is smart and soulful and magic.

We spoke of our dear mothers, Connie [Stevens] and Debbie [Reynolds], both of whom have been fragile in the past year and how our roles as daughters had changed. My own belief is that our mutual father, Eddie Fisher, was everything you heard about him: charming, wildly talented, a playboy, a gambler, lost but he gravitated toward the spectacular in wives.

In 1977, Connie bought a house in Malibu. We walked out onto this tiny deck — sand and salt everywhere — and noticed that there was a swimming pool next door. Connie asked, "Who the hell has a swimming pool on the beach?" The real estate agent giggled and said, "Debbie Reynolds.” So we spent the better part of our childhoods as neighbors, our two families right next door. I adored Mama Debbie — she was such a character. And I got another sister and a brother in the deal, right there on the beach! Eddie even came to see us all together ... once.

During our transcontinental chat before Carrie's fateful flight from London to L.A., we promised we’d spend Christmas together. It’s a promise we kept, although not in a way either of us had anticipated. Throughout the holiday, I sat by her side in a hospital room filled with a cacophony of sounds made by the machines keeping her barely alive. Debbie, of course, was there as well. She told me that she’d been praying for more time. More time for Carrie, for herself and for Connie. I knew if those prayers weren’t answered, Debbie might very well join her daughter.

Of course, Debbie loved nothing more than the spotlight. And I can imagine Carrie is having a laugh right now, rolling her eyes at the kind of crazy ending that only happens in Shakespearn tragedies … and Fisher novels. Carrie’s mom has once again stolen the show, with the ultimate “twirled up” joke (see Postcards From theEdge).

I told both my sister Fish and mama Debs about how I had just returned to the stage. I told Carrie how I wished she could see me running around, singing my tits off and shaking my moneymaker and sent her a snap of me in my cat suit to which she replied, "Dance as long as you can...then keep dancing...but remember to change your shoes."

You all lost Princess Leia and Carrie Fisher; I lost my hero, my mentor, my mirror. My brother Todd has lost his sister and his mother, whom he has said will lay to rest together. There is no universe where these ladies are not due their appropriate pedestals, and both will be memorialized in separate ceremonies in coming weeks. My sister Tricia Leigh and I vow to be whatever our niece Billie needs us to be. We will pick up the saber, use the force ... whatever. We will honor these two magical people who have left the tribe in the way they lived, with grandeur and grace. I want them back but since I know that is not possible, I will soldier on. I have changed my shoes and will keep dancing to honor these magic people.

You can't "right" this shit, but you can "write "it. And do I have a hell of a book in me.

From Crush To Disgust

It's a sad thing to realize that the man who I once had a massive crush on in the 1990s turned out to be an arrogant insensitive prick.

Once upon a time as a teenager in the 1990s, I used to obsessively watched reruns of Happy Days, Charles in Charge, and the first two seasons of Diagnosis Murder to enjoy Scott Baio and fantasized us being married. I also knew then that Scott was quite a ladies man and he did have that arrogance but at the time it was tolerable. Maybe because we didn't have social media at the time- the internet was still new yet popular as it is today. Now, especially with Twitter, I learned since that Scott is even more arrogant and condescending than I thought. Actually, he was starting to fall from my “stars in eyes” since early 2000s when he did that reality show of still being single and then later experiencing pregnancy while settling down with his wife, Renee Sloan. It was a wake up call to realize what an actual kind of man Scott is: I knew he was quite a ladies man (Heather Locklear, Erin Moran, Pamela Anderson, Nicolette Sheridan, to name the most famous few) but damn, he might as well be crowned as the ultimate man-whore!

Then things got pretty quiet: although I got pretty disgusted by his Playboy ways and lost some respect but I held on to some hope. I did give him the benefit of being a dedicated husband to Renee as well as being a good father to his daughter. Life went on.

Last year, everything started to change for the worst. Scott became a loud supporter for Donald Trump when he became candidate for President of the United States. He says he had always been a Republican ever since he registered to vote. OK, fine, since Scott registered in the late 1970s, there's been Presidents Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, and now Trump. The Bushes didn't get much favoritisms from America, but ever since Trump took office their images and reputations have taken a much positive light! I am going to hold off on my rant about Trump another time… Anyway, I don't really truly care who you or anyone else vote for- it is your right as it is mine. Same goes for Scott. He went as far as to speak at one of the rallies, praising Trump, who is, in my opinion, unfit to become President and clearly hasn't read our Constitution nor the Bill of Rights. Scott stood faithfully with Trump during his sexual harassment scandals… I guess a ladies man stands by it's own kind. Scott also showed his disrespectful attitude towards Hillary Clinton, going as far to call her a cunt (most likely the worst name-call to call a woman). Yet, when President Bill Clinton was accused of sexual harassment, he was the bad guy in Scott’s eyes. Scott also claimed on his Twitter account that he “always” treated women right. Really, Scott? Have you seen your own reality show called Scott Baio is 45… And Still Single? One woman from Scott’s romantic past accused him of giving her a STD that ruined her life financially and ability to have a family. And there's also his ex girlfriend and former co-star Erin Moran.

Erin. She sadly passed away in April of 2017. When she was on his reality show, they somewhat made peace from their brief romantic fling during Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi. After both shows ended, Erin hit a rough patch after few bit parts became far and few in between until nothing. Then, by 2010, Erin's home foreclosed so she and her husband went to stay with his mother in a trailer park in Indiana. It's fair to say that she hit rock bottom after having a disagreement with her mother-in-law that she and her husband went to live in a hotel until they eventually went back to the trailer park where she recently died. Erin, along with Marion Ross, Don Most, Anson Williams, and the Tom Bosley estate, sued CBS (who owns Happy Days, why? I don't know considering it used to air on ABC) over merchandise rights. They won the settlement but Erin still continued to live in the trailer park. It's been said that many tried to help her: Henry Winkler tried to get Erin a role on Arrested Development but nothing came of it; Scott tried to help a few times but nothing so he gave up and went on with his own life while his wife Renee kept in contact with Erin until less of a month before her passing. Perhaps Erin had pride? She didn't want any handouts or anything other than digging out of her hole. Maybe she subconsciously grew to love the trailer park life and got used to it? Only Erin can answer that. She was disappointed in Hollywood on how they turned their back to her- she isn't the first nor would she be the last. It's a sad thing, a tragic side of stardom. Meanwhile, Scott has found a pretty steady career with Charles in Charge, Diagnosis Murder, and See Dad Run with an occasional guest starring or movie role. He has now semi-retired and is not worried about his bank account. They barely spoke to one another since; Erin hadn't kept much contact with Ron, occasionally with Henry, often with Marion, regularly with Anson and Don.

While I genuinely believe that Scott is completely devastated by her death 100% and perhaps it rattled him to the core. However he really went on to have a foot-in-the-mouth moment that, I think, will hang over his head until he dies. There were a few headlines from tabloids and talk claiming that Erin died of a heroin overdose. Scott seemed to have believed it. The autopsy hadn't been performed yet at the time and knowing Erin's drug use, Scott went with it. As a guest on a radio talk show, he was only asked about Erin's drug use. I think Scott should’ve avoided the subject, say “no comment” and kindly say wait until the autopsy is done. The following day after her death, the cause of death is Squamous Cell Carcinoma throat cancer in stage 4. According to her widower, she was diagnosed in November and started treatment. Scott nor his wife did not know this, neither did Ron or Marion. Anson knew; I don't know for sure about Don or Henry. Scott did admit he jumped quickly to conclusions while receiving backlash.

Then came the most ridiculous thing: Scott claimed that he is getting backlash from his original comments about Erin's cause of death because he is a Donald Trump supporter! Oh, please! Trump had nothing to do with this nor Scott’s support of his. This backlash is about Scott's foot in mouth blunder moment, not his Presidential vote. That's when my views on Scott went from starry crush eyes to pathetic moron. I can't look or think of him the same way any more. I don't hate him, but I now disrespect Scott. I won't hold his past work against him with the shows I still love and hold and dear to my heart. He is just barely anything to me anymore.