Where is My Life?

Fed up with my patience
turning to my conscience
trashing around the bay
without knowing what to say


Everybody telling me the story
wishing for all the glory
in my life to be perfect
however I am away causing a conflict
crying in vain
feeling my tears drain
closing my eyes from the lecture
dizzy from this torture


Wanting to be left alone
biting my skin down to the bone
trumbling with anger
risking the edge towards the danger


Lost in the words of the sea
not letting me to be free
trying to make me do what I don't want to do
they don't get my clue


They are trying to make me crack
by putting me in the sack
trapped because I won't break down
digging into my soul to the ground
letting me drown in my blood
creating an emotional flood


Stealing my misery in space
not wanting to look at my own face
sorrow has reached my eye
listening to my heart cry
crawling away in gravel
hoping that the tension unravel


Depressed most of the time
increasing the thoughts in my mind
alone in the darkness with a knife
Where is my life?


Written in 2002.
I wouldn't say I was being suicidal... overdramatic, but not suicidal. At the time, I was around 21 years old and still wasn't driving. My whole family was flabbergasted to put it kindly. They had all gotten their licenses when they were 15, 16 years old and here I was, 21 and no license. Unlike them, I just did not want to drive. I was scared. I was, and still is, the only one who lived near busy streets and those are not easy to practice on! The rest of them were raised and lived in areas that were quiet, residential. Plus, a guy that I had a massive crush on died in a car accident when he was 17 (I was 16) so that really put a damper on driving. It took me until I was 22 to finally get a license. I like going at my own speed and apparently my own speed never impress my family's qualifications. I suppose it's safe to say that I am the black sheep of my family? The weirdo.

My Imagination

I have a strange imagination
very hard to explain the ideas
Pretending to be someone else
in another time era
Pretending to invent someone in fiction
trying to picture of what the future would bring
Having my own little world
a place to escape and relax
To be able to smile and create
up to the temperature to the right degree
Reaching up to my imagination
knowing that my mind is a thousand of miles away
Rephrasing a memory
eyes replacing it's vision from the real world
To the fantasy world
a feel to make you feel small
a dream that makes you feel big
Imagination that no one can control
it's mine only
no one else to have
My feelings of happiness and pain
trying to search to get out
My imagination is a dream
a far away look in my eyes
It takes me longer to reach reality
my very own imagination
to shine like a star
to slide down the rainbow
Bright as a sun
glowing like the moon
A far cry from the special destiny
a dream that can not be taken away
Something to have is a part of you
sometimes it's hard to understand
only I could
My imagination contain things
some that will never happen
Crying and laughter is in
like a butterfly flapping it's wings
spreading it's color, like a peacock
Ideas come fresh to the head
never to forget that piece of mind
wherever when it blossoms
The events can go on for months
maybe even a year or two
The pain to reach down under
hopefully to disappear
To love or to hate
questions will come at any point
Just my imagination
only I could bring it to myself
The keys to success of hard work
only steps have to be taken
time by time
Crossroads will happen in life
joining to steal of togetherness
Stories form together in the head
My imagination
which is only just for me


Originally written in 1998, revised in 2002.
When I was writing poems in those days, I was trying to be suave, like I knew my way around words, and jotting down things that came to mind. It sounded great at the time. Today? Well, other than thinking that I was showing off over 20 years ago, I have to say that it's still not that far off either. My imagination is still just that- my faraway getaway.

It's Only Sunday

Waking up in the morning
I could hear the day that started hours before
staring at the ceiling
asking myself, "What should I wear?"
I got up from my bed
I turned around to look at my pillow
it looked so welcoming
"Why not?" I asked myself
and so I went back down
it's only the weekend anyway
so why not?
It's probably some time early afternoon
but I don't care
I am very comfortable
my fairy tale dreams came back to life
through my closed eye lids
back to the wonders of daydreaming
I play another person
or I make believe
Why not stay here for the rest of the day?
It's only Sunday
the last day of the weekend
a day to rest for tomorrow
Sunday
A day that is meant to rest our body
sorry to the early birds
I'm very comfortable
nothing will move me
Besides, it's only Sunday


Written in 1998
And yes, I loved sleep. I still do. Not a morning person here!

Good Bye

Now it's time to say goodbye
as time goes by
The days went fast or slow
I write when I'm high or low
I create dreams, stories, and poems in my head
'till the day I'm alive to dead
You will stay or be gone
but you will never be done
See you wherever I'm there
so you could go anywhere
So, goodbye now

Written in 1998

Invisible in Chaos

Surrounded by people
They say they want to talk
Yet not being talked to
They say they are interested
Nobody to listen
They say I am included
All I got was short attention span
They are all talking
To each other and crisscross
But not to me
I might as well be invisible
I think about sneaking off
Without saying goodbye
Nobody would miss me
Or noticed I am not there
Barely an acknowledgement
Why do I bother going?
I thought it would be fun
I was wrong
They say they are concerned
Not really
Do they really care?
Maybe pretending to
Lesson learned
I am happy by my lonesome

Written in 2016

Social Media Pet Peeves

I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr (MySpace too but I admittedly abandoned it once it got out of fashion and it got hard to navigate with so many "upgrades" it went through).

Understandably with social media, entertainment fans tend to set up an account dedicated to a favorite entertainer. I myself am guilty of making a few fan accounts of my own. However, on Instagram especially, a person will start using the fan account in question and turn it into a personal account. I can't stand that! Sure, they will post a picture to go with the account theme but the caption would be completely different. Instead of reading a fact, debunking a myth, sharing a quote or whatever, I would read something like "I got a big test tomorrow and barely studied!" or "I think my boyfriend is cheating on me, so I am cutting his head out of my pictures" or something. I apologize but if I want to read something personal about the person, then I'd follow their own account to get their own life story and dilemmas. But no, I am following a fan account that likes to talk about themselves rather than their subject. I have sworn to myself that I will never turn my fan accounts into my life story. It's what my personal account/profile is for. I am okay with expressing opinions and musings about the entertainer in question because it's about the entertainer!

Driving Pet Peeves

I hate when I am driving and all of the sudden a car on the opposite side of the road in a turning lane would look like it's heading right at you! That scares me and without fail I would quickly maneuver my car to avoid getting hit. Can't that driver wait until I am completely out of the way? It takes a couple of seconds, it wouldn't kill them! When I need to make a turn without a traffic light, I wait until I have a nice gap so I can go and not be hit.

Another thing that bugs me is that I would be on the turning lane, waiting to turn but it would take awhile when an apparently dare driver honks to say Go! But an incoming car would be coming quickly and you just know that if you do go then you will get hit. Geez, I will go as I damn will please! I am not risking my life so that the car behind me can be first in line. If don't like it, go around and try yourself.

95% of the time, I like to make my turns and U-turns at the light. Feels more safer.

At a parking lot, I would be backing out of the parking space, thinking I am safe with no one behind me (or someone who wants the space but gave you back up room is fine too) when all of the sudden, a car would drive by! Slam the brakes! What the hell???? Didn't that driver see me backing up? Rude! Couldn't at least politely stop and let me finish backing up so I can leave.

I Don't Like Pink Floyd

I must be one of the very few people on Earth who does not like Pink Floyd. At first I thought I was the only one but I did manage find someone else who doesn't like the rock band so it's very comforting that I'm not alone in this.
I can tolerate 2 songs: Money and We Don't Need No Education
Other than that, no thanks.
One time when I was a teenager, my Mom and I used to go to these laser shows at the Planetarium where they played rock music- they've had Queen, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, the greats! This is when I realized I didn't like Pink Floyd. When they did a Pink Floyd night my mom likes them a lot and at the time I thought they were okay so while the show was happening I found myself dozing off. I've never dozed off at a laser show! I'm usually the one that's singing and seat-dancing! But not this time. Zzzzzzzzz
I remember telling my boss that I didn't like Pink Floyd and he looked at me as though I came from another planet and thought I was nuts. He pointed out that they had some sort of connection with the Beatles by playing in Abbey Road Studios and having George Martin as a Producer. So? A lot of music have been recorded at Abbey Road and George Martin worked with a lot of musicians (and comedians) so what's the point? I am also aware that the members of the band are friends with The Beatles; even one of the members owns Julian Lennon's Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds drawing. Sure that's impressive, but the music still doesn't sway me.
Although here's one cute brief story: when I was around 10 years old I was in a wedding party and we were discussing Pink Floyd and, being naive and not knowing much about the band, I asked "what were his parents names? Red and White?"

In Our Eyes

Our eyes tell everything
the person can see something
They look deep down
even without sound
They could read something about you
they know something that is true
We don't even know about it
of what kind of information they could get
We may be telling the truth or a lie
we could either walk or fly
They could easily find out how we are
they could see us, even if we are far
People could read eyes from long ago
from what I found out to know
It is hard to believe in such a thing
it sounds like a poisonous sting
There's a mystery in all of us
from the evening air to morning dusk
In our eyes
show personality and the truth that lies

originally written in 1998, revised in 2002.
I remember reading this in high school English class and after I was done, I heard my fellow students say "whoa". It was written for a guy I had a serious crush on and he would look right into my eyes whenever I talked to him. Unfortunately (or maybe it's fortunately?) he did not share the same feelings for me as I did for him. So he missed out!

Forgetful Music

Originally written on December 19, 2005

Don't you hate it when you hear a good song on the radio or hear it on a movie and you think "I know that song!" but you just don't know who does it? You search high and low in your brain but nothing? Then you look into your cd, record collection and wonder if you have it or not and there's also hoping that it will turn up on the radio and pray that the DJ will say the name of the song and who it is. Or when you are talking to somebody and you tell them about it and you try to do the lyrics or the tune of the song and it doesn't come out right and that someone will look at you funny and think that you belong in another galaxy (a look I've gotten many times before). I can recall that two times, and I found out since then of who and what and that I have it- Feeling Stronger Everyday by Chicago and Jungle Love by the Steve Miller Band. Great songs...now try this one, you know the band's name but you have absolutely no idea if you heard the music or not