Long Live Mötley Crue

Goodbye to the band I grew up with. We were born the same year (1981) and my earliest memories are watching their music videos on MTV. You guys made me dance, sing along, relate to my moods, you were there when I wanted to bang my head. You made me laugh with your sense of humor, cringe in disgust and respect when reading your book, made me cry with your pain and cheers of joy. I saw you live twice- in 2009 and for the final time in 2015. After 34 years, you made your mark to be unforgettable. Thank you. I will always be loyal, I will always use you in the rotation of listening to music, I will cheer when the one day you'll be inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame and be first in line whenever your autobiographical movie The Dirt comes out. I love you guys- Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, and Mick Mars. Go out big, go out strong, you brought the scars that will forever remain that no concealer could make dissappear. You closed your own door and are opening four new doors of new beginnings and outlook. Look back on Motley Crue with proud, pride, accomplishment and legacy. We will never forget

Respectful Co-Stars

"She was funny. She was amusing. She was genuinely funny and much brighter than most people think."

*  *  *

"At least Mansfield tried to be a professional. She'd show up and rehearse and work and shoot it. At that, she was good. And she had some humor about her."

-Tony Randall

"Adored her. He talked about this one scene where she was in a bubble bath, and they kept putting bubbles over her to make it appropriate looking. She said -- she was crying. She said people are going to think I'm flat-chested... But he said she was great fun"

-Heather Randall (Tony's widow)

Tony and Jayne worked together twice: movie 'Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?' (1957) and TV show 'The Alfred Hitchcock Hour' episode Hangover (1962)

Richie & Mo

I know Ringo Starr often refers second wife Barbara Bach as the 'love of his life' and right he should be. They have been married for over 30 years and are still going strong. However, I do believe that Ringo has two loves of his life, Barbara and his first wife Maureen Tigrett. Not just because Maureen is the classic 'mother of his children' but it's also because Maureen knew Ringo before he joined the Beatles, she knew Richie Starkey, pre famous when nobody knew his name. Ringo has always counted Maureen as his family, and he was at her bedside when she passed away a little over 20 years ago. The one thing I really don't like is reading certain Beatles/Ringo fans blaming Maureen for the break-down of the marriage after her affair with George Harrison. Yes, it was the last straw. But Maureen isn't 100% of the blame. Ringo wasn't exactly becoming fun to hang around with- it was during the time he was drinking heavily, the break up of the Beatles with depression and feeling at a loss while finding work (film), restarting his career as a soloist musician, his own infidelity. Meanwhile Maureen got married young, had children young, went through several hairstyle changes, probably having an identity crises of who's Maureen that's not Joseph and Florence Cox's daughter, Ringo Starr's wife and mother of 3 (before Isaac and Augusta Tigrett existed)? Not to mention the pressure of living with a rock star with fans coming to their home, mail and reporters/early paparazzi. Perhaps if they had less stress like his drinking problem and infidelity taken out of the equation then their marriage would have lasted longer than it did. However, that being said, both Ringo and Maureen found love in Barbara and Isaac, they all settled on a family vibe. I definitely know that Ringo treats Augusta, Maureen's daughter with Isaac, as part of the family. Peace and love, as Ringo says.

About Jayne From Mariska

“I think she has influenced me in more ways than I know. She was such a pioneer, she was a woman before her time, and she was doing things that nobody else was doing. Being a movie star and having five kids, and sort of living out loud and being fearless and breaking all the rules. She was somebody that beat to her own drum and was such a free spirit and I really admire that. Not to say that it was easy, but she was ambitious and wanted so much of life, and had a huge appetite for it. I think I’m like that a lot. And I think obviously she gave me the idea to be an actor which is a career that I have fallen madly in love with. She had a love for family and a love for children. She was a compassionate woman, an empathetic woman, but again somebody who did it the way she wanted to and by her own design, especially at the beginning. She was somebody who had big dreams and followed them. That’s pretty inspiring to me.”

"By the time she was 34 years old, she had five kids and a successful career. My mom never said no to life- she wanted to experience everything. When she died, she left so much behind"

“Every day I feel closer to her and like I really am her daughter because she made her dream come true, and I am living mine now. She was ahead of her time. I just can't believe this little girl from Texas had five children, dogs, a house, a career, and a husband by the time she was 34. Like, I think I do that a lot?”

“My mother was ahead of her time, a very modern woman in not so modern times. She was the original wonder woman, a role model. She had a career, she had five children. She was sexy, she was musically talented and she had an amazingly high IQ. I am in awe of her for that. She had a zest for life and lived every mintue to the fullest. She did it all.”

“My mom had five kids, worked, had a million dogs and played the violin. I look at my life now and think, I'm on a TV show, I run a foundation, I run a household, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a lot of things, I realize I'm like that because it's what I know”

“Everybody would say, ‘Oh, you’re so pretty, you look just like your mom,’ They would pinch my cheek. It’s what you do to cute children in Italy.”But it hurt! Those Italians were so strong. I felt like they were pulling my cheek off. ‘Why are they pulling my cheek, Daddy? Daddy, make them stop!’ People would flip when they found out ‘Oh, you’re Jayne Mansfield’s daughter.’ I put two and two together and figured out that she must have been someone.” 

“She’s definitely always with me. I love it when people say, ‘She had such a great laugh, and so do you.’ When I find similarities, it gives me so much peace.”

"My mother was more intelligent than people thought; She just gave the public what they wanted."

"I want to be accepted as myself, not as Jayne Mansfield's daughter."

"I was jealous of all my actress friends who were experimenting with blond hair or acting really sexy. I never felt that I had to permission to do these things, Because my Mom was blond and sexy, and I was rebelling against who she was. I couldn't express myself the way I wanted to, or I'd be compared to her, and I wanted to stand on my own."

"I feel a total kindred spirit with anyone who has lost her mother, especially at a young age. When something like that happens it leaves a hole in your heart that can never be filled. I know I'm not over it. I'll hear women talk about their mothers and how close they are and it's so painful. I had a lovely stepmother but it's not the same as having your own mom. But I do know that hole in my heart pushed me to want to become the best mother I could be. Sometimes it's what you don't have that dictates or guides your life the most."

“I used to say, ‘I wish I knew her more. I was only three.’ And a friend said, ‘All you have to do is look in the mirror.’ It sounds so weird, but there’s a truth in it. And it gave me peace and understanding that we’re half of our parents. It sort of quelled some of my angst, or unrest, or need. So much of who I am is my parents—all three of them. I am grateful for all three. My son always goes, ‘Mama has two mamas.’ He calls Ellen ‘Grandma.’ He calls Jayne ‘Mama’s mama.’ He’s so sweet. He’ll say, ‘You don’t have your mom and dad, but you have me and Daddy.’ And I say, ‘Yes, I know, that’s all I need.’ ”

Fleetwood Mac Memories of George

"When I met George Harrison, it was one of those truly memorable moments. I said, ‘Gee, of all the good work you did with the Beatles, how did you ever come up with that incredible guitar solo on "Taxman"?’ And his face just fell. He said, ‘Oh, Paul did that.’ Grrrrr! I really put my foot in my mouth that time."

-Lindsey Buckingham

"I’ve been thinking about George Harrison more than ever since he died. We were more than just brothers-in-law for a time; he was one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. We both loved Maui and Hawaii equally, because we both understood how special this place is. His song ‘Cloud 9’ really captures how he felt about this place, and I find myself thinking of the line ‘I’ll see you there on cloud nine’ when I think about how much I miss him. George is the reason I’m playing ukulele lately too. He was such a great player, and he was obsessed with it. He used to drive around Maui with literally 20 of the things in his trunk, handing them out to friends, hawking the wares of this local guy who made them"

-Mick Fleetwood

"The photo was taken by my best friend, Mary DeVitto. She had given me a copy of it a long time ago, and I had it made into an 8 x 10 and put in a little frame. When I go on the road it goes right on my makeup mirror, so before I go on stage, whether it's with Fleetwood Mac or me in my solo career, the three of us are looking back at me and that has been my inspiration every single night. There's lots of nights where you kind of go, I wish I didn't have to go on stage tonight, I'm tired, I don't feel like doing it, and I look at George Harrison and look at Longhi and look at me and I go, well, you just have to, because it's important, it's important to make people happy, so get out of your chair, put on your boots and go out there and do your thing. We were writing a sort of parody of 'Here Comes the Sun,' but we were writing 'Here Comes the Moon', Longhi was saying, 'you guys are writing about the moon instead of the sun,' and I said, that's because by then we were all such night birds. I had met George before that at a record party in Mexico in Acapulco for 'Rumours.' Longhi saw George all the time. He drove me and my friend Sara and Mary to George's house in Hana. And we just hung out and wrote and sang and talked. I had been famous for not even quite three years and we were talking with George about being famous and what it meant and what you had to give up."

-

"Isn't that wild? That is probably 1977, in Hana on the island of Maui in Hawaii. Me and a couple of my friends had gone over there. I don't-St remember exactly how it happened, but we drove up to Hana, where George lived, and we hung out with him for about three days. We stayed in his guest cottage and we sat around and wrote. I don't think anything really came out of the writing session, but we had a great time, and you can kind of see we were very serious. I took the picture to the studio, so it was on the fireplace for the whole recording of 'Say You Will'. It was very much like he was looking over us the whole time. I liked George very much. He was really a nice man."

-Stevie Nicks

Lifelong Motorcycle Interest

"A mini motorbike Dad had in Weybridge. I’d ride on the front of it and we’d go to visit Ringo, who lived down the road, on it.”
-
"I remember Dad riding it in the driveway in Weybridge with me as the passenger...I think I was allowed to sit up front and hold the handlebars but never to actually control it".
-
"All I knew was that he was away a lot. When he came home, and we were together, I recall most of all the fun like flying a kite in the garden, or riding on the back of Dad's motorbike down to Ringo's home. The rest of my childhood with dad is a fog."
-Julian Lennon

"He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to."
-
"I hadn't seen my first son grow up and now there's a 17-year-old man on the phone talking about motorbikes."
-John Lennon

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Lizzie Borden after she was acquitted in her murder trail of her father and stepmother Andrew and Abby Borden

Since I was about 15 years old (I am in my 30s), I have had an interest in Lizzie Borden- even dressed as her for Halloween. Honestly, I don't know how it happened- it was around the time of O. J. Simpson murder trial and the case was occasionally compared to Lizzie's. Also during that time, A&E and the History channels aired the 1975 TV movie The Legend of Lizzie Borden starring Elizabeth Montgomery who I loved (still) and she died in 1995 during that time too. So needlessly to say, Lizzie's legacy was in my face and being a history buff, I got interested. I read books (this was just before the Internet took over), although I didn't get obsessed about it as I did with The Beatles.

Both The Legend of Lizzie Borden and Lizzie Borden Took an Ax (2014 with Christina Ricci who made a miniseries of fictional life after the trail The Lizzie Borden Chronicles in 2015) had Lizzie killed her father and stepmother, like an 'What If?' scenerio. Many people do believe that Lizzie did the deed- her alibi was shaky and was changed a few times when she was questioned. When her stepmother was being hacked to death, Lizzie claimed to be in the backyard's shed eating pears and looking for sinkers as well as doing some ironing. With her father, I believe she claimed she was resting.
Lizzie certainly did have motive- her father, despite having money, was a cheapskate and refused to get into the modern times of the day of electricity and plumping and she did not get along with her stepmother, calling her Mrs. Borden. Not long after their deaths, Lizzie and her big sister Emma moved to a much bigger house in the neighborhood with its modern devices with the inheritance from their father.

Do I think Lizzie did it? Honestly, I do not know. The evidence was shaky as well as contaminated with countless people coming in and ruining forensics. Not to mention that some other evidence also disintegrated with age and being passed around to anybody who believed to have the answers, which also got lost. Thanks to those problems, now the security to gain evidence is tight and the technology these days can assure that the crime can be solved.
As I said, I don't know if Lizzie killed her father and stepmother herself- Mr. Borden did have some enemies floating around. I do have a theory that Lizzie was involved in some way, like requesting to put a hit out on them. Mrs. Borden had more hacks than Mr. Borden and due to the strain of the relationship between her and her step daughters, it wouldn't surprise me if Lizzie took it upon herself to end Mrs. Borden's life. There's some anger issues going on there. As for her father, I think the only major problem was him being a cheapskate. Other than that, Lizzie was Daddy's little girl- her middle name was Andrew. Perhaps he was the one who was killed by an outside enemy?

There is something else that drives me crazy: there's claims that the Borden house (now a bed & breakfast museum) is haunted; many believe that it's Lizzie but I highly doubt that. I could buy Andrew and Abby Borden, maybe even Mr. Borden's first wife Sarah. But not Lizzie. She hated that house- why would her ghost would want to be there? If there's any ghost hunters reading this and want to find Lizzie's ghost, I would suggest Maplecroft. It is the home Lizzie bought and moved in until she died, the house she lived. Yet, it is a private home so I don't know if the current owner would appreciate the intrusion unless special permission.

Cynthia is with...

 Cynthia Lennon has been dead for almost two months now and whenever I see comments, it's mostly "Cynthia is with John now". Now, as you probably know, I am a huge John and Cynthia fan. I love them together. But that being said, I can't help but be put off on that. During the first week of her death, I did post on my tumblr that not only did Cynthia got to John Lennon first in life, she got to him first in spirit. I still stand by that. But, I also believe that Cynthia is with her fourth and final husband, Noel Charles. Honestly, if Cynthia was going to be side by side with drifting on the clouds, it would be with Noel. With John, I would think that it would be more like confronting him about his attitude towards their son Julian and making peace between them. In life, Cynthia, although still much in love with John until her dying day, did move on away from John. The only thing she wanted from John after their divorce was to be friends and parents to their son Julian. But instead, John cut Cynthia out of his life as much as he could. John spoke frequently and loudly his love for Yoko Ono, who said herself that when she dies, she'll be with John.

I do believe that Noel Charles was the love of Cynthia's life, while John was her first love with a special place in her heart. With Noel, Cynthia spent the last 15 years of her life happy, probably the most happy she ever been in her entire life. She pointed out in her second autobiography that if she would've gone through with life with John Lennon again, knowing what lay ahead- she said no. Cynthia would've turned around and walked away. Life with John brought Cynthia heartbreak that she had to be reminded of over and over again when doing interviews- John cheating and leaving her for another woman. For making their son's life difficult with a stepmother who doesn't take much interest in him and inheritance fighting. Who would want to go through that? Although Cynthia did spoke about John with love, no bitterness, being classy about the end of her marriage. But with Noel, he was someone different. Maybe it was age and maturity by the time they met well into their 50s/60s that it was perfect timing for them to be together. Noel was the love of Cynthia's life, her longest marriage out of four. They lived quietly yet excitedly too. Life wasn't boring for them, they had privacy that Cynthia craved during her time with John. Noel made Cynthia happy, so therefore, and unfortunately overlooked, Noel and Cynthia are together again.

Frustrated with Mother

I am getting fed up with my mother. She tells me one thing and does another, like 'Do as I say but not what I do' and also, in my opinion, being a hypocrite. Big example: She cooks something and expects me to eat it- freshly made and leftovers. It would stay in the refrigerator for as long as possible. When I cook (and I cook a LOT), not even 24 hours later, it would get thrown out! Never mind my dreams of eating leftovers for lunch during the week or dinner. And yet during this time, my mom lectures me of money and food waste. How is it OK for her food to be saved but not mine? She is throwing away things that we both bought with our money- especially mine. What is this? What the hell is her problem with my food? She hadn't really done this before until this year- is her resolution for 2015 is to throw away whatever I make? At this point, I want to store my food at work! Or get my own mini-fridge for my room (but where would I put it? Every space in my room is taken). Anything just so my mom wouldn't get her hypocritical hands away from my stuff! 

I am also getting sick of the stuff she makes- it's the same thing over and over again. Her favorite is stew. I am so sick of stew that I am at the point of never wanting to have it again, ever. And the way she cooks the meat- beef chunks- is tough and hard to chew, very chewy. She doesn't realize that beef chunks need a longer cooking time, an hour at least. But she cooks it less than that. I would have to scoop up either the smaller pieces to just the veggies. And she makes this weekly and expects ME to eat the leftovers. Why doesn't she eat it???? I mean, help me out here of consuming this! Now that I think about it, I don't think I ever seen her eat any of her- or mine- leftovers. She would either make something else or get fast food while her beloved food waits for my unwanted attention. 

I think I should make food for myself rather than the household since it'll wind up in the trash the following day. And if any leftovers, store it at work! I rather have my leftovers in an overstuffed refrigerator than being at my own home. It would be safe!

A Flower, A Kiss, A Smile

A flower, a kiss, a smile of love

Heartwarming gifts from up above

The hand of coldness disappears 

When we forget our chosen fears.

Just one experience of love

Gives hope and life in endless years

Of learning how to move our minds of stone

When many times we feel alone.

We are alone. The choice is ours

To offer a flower, a kiss, a smile

Is but the simple answer, for awhile

We search our minds in depth

We should find life a simple test.

When realization of the truth

Presents itself in all its youth

To all in age who still ask why

Just smile and love but do not cry

-Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978

Truth & Honesty

The truth for me does not agree
With other people using me
With a freedom that they think is free
Checkmate will only find success
When pawns themselves don't fall from grace
When honesty comes face to face
With truth and not commodity.

To use another's soul for gain
Misunderstanding all in vain
For those who use another's brain
To lift themselves with words profane
Cynics born to eat the words
Of men who falter not with words

-Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978

For Dorothy

Dorothy Rhone

I know we'll meet again some day
How can I put in words and say
The pleasure you have given me
The pleasure of your company

You know as much as I, how much
I'll miss your presence, ever present
Are my thoughts of times so pleasant
Words are not enough without touch

There's an empty place today
An empty void, a missing friend
An empty word no ear to bend
Enjoy yourself is all I say,
Maybe we'll meet again some day

Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978

Time

The days go by so slowly my mind held in suspense
Why must this be when I can see the feeling so intense?
The future holds the magic of my thoughts these passing days
The planning actions of my mind just wither in the haze
Time is wasted longing for the bud to flower and bloom
Waiting, hoping, anticipating what might be happening soon
Possibility is just a game played in fantasy throughout
Why must this be withheld within. What is it all about?
If only I could touch the flower and feel it's beauty in my strife
I could be at ease and aim to please of my life

-Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978

For Astrid

Please give her strength in her dark hour
Fire her with hope so she may tower
Above the depths of sad despair
This day she feels no hope in sight
Please give her strength so she may fight
The fears that hold her in their grasp
Please give strength 'til all is past
Life must go on yet some may leave
To give new life a chance to breathe
A chance to learn as we have learned
Through times of sadness we have earned
A certain wisdom- yet more to come
We all will learn when life is done

Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978. Dedicated to Astrid Kirchherr (on top picture, with Stuart Sutcliffe)

Memories

Voices flit like shadows down the passage of my mind

They grow and fade in volume as the passing of the days

Bring memories of sunshine's timeless rays

Times of childhood beckon calling me through days and years

Of happiness and loneliness mingled with the tears

Written by Cynthia Lennon, published in 1978

Rest in Peace Cynthia Lennon

How I heard the news: On April 1, 2015, I woke up late morning (like at 10 AM or so) and, as I do pretty much every morning, I check on the Beatles' Wives & Girls Facebook page. It was the day to change the header and profile picture to Linda McCartney as she had passed away in April. Usually April was Linda's tribute month. Facebook was done. Then off to Instagram for Beatles' Wives & Girls I went to do Picture of the Day featuring, once again, Linda but as a goofy funny picture as it was April Fool's Day. I saw Julian's picture of Cynthia with candles and I thought 'Oh how sweet!', never did I thought that it was In Memory kind of pictures until I saw a comment about her being dead. Wait a minute....I had already posted the Linda goofy picture up and.... I checked twitter and typed in Cynthia's name in the search. I had hoped that the Cynthia Lennon is dead thing was a horrible April Fool's joke, that maybe, just maybe, something was going on. Sure enough, I saw Cynthia's death announcement. The final reality was Julian's memorial page he had set up for his mother. I was just shocked. Immediately, while my hands started to shake, I went back to the Beatles' Wives & Girls social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) to change everything from Linda to Cynthia. Apparently, Cynthia had died that morning after a short battle with cancer. Just exactly one week before her only son's birthday. Ouch. Also she died on the same  day as John Lennon's dad Alfred too. But it's Julian's birthday without his mother for the first time that made it really sad. 



I suppose it's not exactly a big secret that Cynthia Lennon was and still very much is my favorite Beatle wife. Even though I don't exactly have a site that's 100% dedicated to her as I do for Olivia Harrison and Isabel Gillies (not a Beatles' wife) but I do have a 50% site of her sharing with Maureen Starkey Tigrett, Cyn & Mo. Also, here on this blog, there's a very very very long essay I wrote about Cynthia's relationship with John. I intended it to be a short paragraph that grew and grew and grew (I will provide the links at the bottom of this blog entry). Don't get me wrong, I love all, well, almost all, the Beatles' wives - except for one and it's not who you may think it is (it's not Heather Mills). I don't know exactly why I am drawn to Cynthia more than the others. I tend to think it's because she's the least known? But she's not really the least known. Cynthia wrote two books about her life with John, she was also an artist, she sang a few songs. However, when you say John Lennon's wife to somebody, they instantly think of Yoko Ono. I would have to say 'no, I mean Julian Lennon's mother' and yet, there's always that one person who thinks that Julian is Yoko's child. Eek! Welcome to my Beatles' family education class! Anyway, unlike John and Yoko's In Your Face love story, John and Cynthia's Love story wasn't In Your Face. It was more like a convenient obligation that John had no choice....ughhhhhhh!!!! But that's the overall thing that most people believe. Unfortunately. Back to Cynthia's tribute. Of course, I am very sad about this. However I hope there's a peace of mind too. There's her parents, one of her best friends Maureen Starkey, her beloved husband Noel Charles. And yes, John Lennon. I hope in the afterlife world, Cynthia cornered John and made her peace that she wanted to do when they were both still living. Not about their failed marriage but over John's treatment on their son Julian.
Just when I finally came to terms of thinking Robin Williams and death going together, now I have to come to terms with Cynthia and death going together and at the moment, it hasn't gelled together. I know she's gone. The reality grew more and more on April 1st when May Pang, Yoko, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and Olivia Harrison released statements in honor of Cynthia. I wouldn't say that Cynthia's death kicked me in the gut like Robin's death did. She was 75 when she died and she hadn't really been making any public appearances since 2013 at Julian's White Feather Foundation gala after her husband's death. I figured something was up but was more so thinking that she's done with the public eye. I also thought that maybe Cynthia would materialized here and there for Julian's big events but far and few in between.
My heart, sympathy, condolences, everything goes out to Julian, her only child. They were really close, they were like two peas in a pod. Now Julian is an orphan. He's the only Beatles' child (at this time of the writing) to have lost two parents. I don't know how this will affect him now. I do believe he will continue doing music and photography but there's his attitude. Life will never be the same for him now as he lost his biggest support system. But then again, perhaps Cynthia's death will have a silver lining too. It's one of those "wait and see" situations.

The First Wife of John Lennon (essay)

Together They Were Forever (poem)